MY RAW NAKED TRUTH: I BECAME TOXIC
When I was only 19 I was not loving myself. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know how to love, honor and accept myself and my real raw, unique, and essential beauty.
I got lost in a constant battle where looking beautiful seemed all that mattered. My identity was based on insecurities and a lack of self-worth.
When I turned 20, my trauma of having a very “girlish flat-chested body” beat me so hard that I started to lose my self-esteem and to let myself be influenced by my social and cultural environment, falling into a myriad of prejudices, false beauty stereotypes and social conditioning.
I lost my self-confidence and believed that I was not beautiful and feminine enough and that my body was not attractive enough because I had no boobs!.. How was I supposed to attract guys to my life?
I stopped listening to the voice of my happy, genuine, authentic and loving inner girl and stopped looking at Her in the mirror with love and appreciation..
I stopped loving my body, and myself, and started to see myself in the mirror with the “lenses” of unfulfillment and unworthiness rather than with the eyes of love, gratitude and appreciation for my unique Self.
One day before starting Uni, my parents came with a very special gift: they booked me an appointment with one of the top plastic surgeons in Mexico City, to have Breast Implants.
Yes, my parents suggested it! In a way, this was the reinforcement I needed to believe in my body, and that I was “not good enough” and not “beautiful enough”.
How I wish they could have shown me a more loving way to work on my self-esteem and guided me with other resources to learn how to accept my beautiful tiny body just as it was.
I remember back then in Mexico and the US the plastic surgery industry was booming. It was also the time of celebrities like Pamela Anderson and Britney Spears that looked so “beautiful” and with “perfect bodies and boobs”.
I was definitely influenced by that and my desire to feel more attractive to boys with a more feminine and womanly type body so I made the unconscious decision to have Breast Implants, and with it masking all my insecurities and lack of self-acceptance and self-love.
In line with my petite frame, my implants were in fact so small that you couldn’t even notice a big difference and I remember I was very angry for having put myself in so much suffering with a very little outcome.
Again here, this was showing how it’s never enough!
The pressure to look a certain way remains. With the normalising of plastic surgery, botox, injectables etc transforming the essence of beauty into some sort of plastic creatures.
But 20 years ago, I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know the implications of my decision, I didn’t know the long term consequences to my health of choosing to have silicone breast implants. I didn’t know what my REAL VALUE and worthiness was as an authentic WOMAN.
Trying to fill the lack of self-love and unfulfillment with breast implants was not the solution but the beginning of the deterioration of my health and more insecurities and shame about my body. After getting implants I was afraid to be pointed out as the “skinny girl with fake boobs”. I didn’t even tell my friends I had them. I kept it secret for so long; I was ashamed of my decision and it took me a few years to feel comfortable with them.
I realised that the sense of unfulfillment and insecurity never went away. All the while my body started to get sick.
I started to become TOXIC! slowly and silently sick without even knowing.
I had a beautiful body from the outside but was unhealthy and TOXIC from the inside out.
Over the following 20 years, I completely lost control of my physical, mental and emotional health and wellbeing and I didn’t know it was related to my breast implants.
So I started a very long journey trying to discover what was the root cause of my dis-ease.
I started to seek answers and to look for natural remedies based on a Naturopathic approach, Functional Medicine, Ayurveda, Kinesiology and Acupuncture. I was so desperate that I started to seek spiritual guidance too. I quit my job to become a Yoga, Meditation and Breathing Coach trying to find some relief to my achy body and anxious mind. . I started to have a very healthy, low-tox, organic lifestyle to help with my lack of vitality and endless physical conditions.
I was desperate, tired and depressed after doctors and even friends and families called me a hypochondriac, believing everything was in my mind and suggesting antidepressants to numb the series of symptoms…
This story has been paying big karma and suffering to my body: I felt like I was dying.
I didn’t know that silently and progressively over the years these toxic implants started to disrupt my thyroid function, affecting my metabolism, digestion, cognitive function, liver hormones and metabolism.
They were causing me more than 20+ symptoms including chronic fatigue, inflammation, autoimmune disorders, fibromyalgia, joint and muscle pain, brain fog, food intolerances and leaky gut, blurred and dry vision, migraines, anxiety, skin rashes, metal toxicity, tinnitus, eye floaters, liver problems and an endless list of physical-mental and emotional health issues.. …
I thought my symptoms were part of ageing…now being in my 40’s.
But it was NOT!
After years of begging for answers, innumerable research, thousands of dollars invested in doctors and specialists, trying all sorts of detoxification programs to get rid of my symptoms, a change in my diet to organic-sugar-dairy-gluten free, and practising all sorts of different healing modalities, on January 1st 2021, I was journaling my New Year’s intentions and asking my Guides to help me discover the root cause of my dis-ease.
In a matter of 2 weeks, I found a new doctor in Brisbane -a specialist in immunity conditions- that introduced me to the field of “Breast Implant illness”. Not long after I touched base with a friend that recently had explanted her implants and who told me her story and introduced me to a private group in FB, called Healing Breast Implant Illness by Nicole and I found that I was not crazy.. I found the truth behind my disease.. and that there are thousands of women around the world suffering in silence from Breast Implant Illness.
..and everything started to make sense..
All these years my body was speaking to me that loud for a big reason: She was desperate to be liberated from all this toxic load.. she was begging to find freedom and healing..
I found out that breast implants are made from more than 40 highly toxic chemicals.
A soup of Neurotoxins, carcinogenic, thyroid disruptors and heavy metals were right inside my body..radiating toxicity from my chest, next to my heart, my lungs and my vital organs..
The toxicity was inside me..all these years, disturbing my health and my ability to thrive. What was the point of eating all these organic food, detoxifications and changing my lifestyle if these toxic bags were inside me?
In 2019 the FDA requested a recall on certain manufacturer brands and textured breast implants (like Allergan and McGhan- the ones I had-) as they were associated with worldwide reported cases of patients having a type of cancer called BIA-ALCL Breast Implant-Associated Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma.. -related to their implants.
My body was not only sick but at risk of getting cancer because of my implants!!
What was the point of having a “beautiful looking body” but feeling like dying from inside?
This was the moment that made me take the decision to explant them as soon as possible..
From that moment I started looking for the best surgeons in Brisbane and booked my surgery.
I started a journey to prepare myself for my surgery on which I did a lot of work to start listening to my body needs with love and forgive myself and my wounded inner child for the damage I caused to myself all these years, promising myself that I would never ever sacrifice my self-love and health again for any type of validation or recognition.
How I wish I could have had this information in my hands before choosing breast implants over my vanity, lack of self-love and insecurity.
Even today the plastic surgery industry does not warn you about the risks, the high levels of toxicity and how breast implants could ruin your health and immunity in the long term.
I was not informed that when implants become older and older, silicone gel starts to deteriorate and would bleed through the semi-permeable silicone shells intoxicating your body and that they can get ruptured inside without you even noticing, making the silicone migrate to your lymphatic glands..
The truth is that once you get implants is not a matter of “IF” you would have to replace them or remove them but “WHEN”..In fact, they are a ticking time bomb in your body, exactly as it happened to me.
This is the TRUTH behind Breast Implant Illness and it needs to be revealed.
Everybody praises how beautiful women look with them, but nobody tells you what is behind a billion-dollar industry that does NOT care about your health and is setting a false, mistaken concept and value about beauty.
This is how culture has indoctrinated beauty, especially for women, and how we tend to tie our intrinsic sense of worth to our external appearance carrying with it a lot of unnecessary suffering and a big big price for our health.
My explant surgery took place in Brisbane on June 15, 2021. Total capsulectomy, a procedure that removes your breast implants and the entire capsule of scar tissue that surrounds them; Immediately I felt like my body and soul could finally rest.
Despite the inner battle of emotions that brought me back the wounds of my past, the decision of letting go of the attachment that my ego-mind had to my body image and all of the fear, pain and anxiety of the whole procedure brought to me, I feel humbly grateful and at peace with my decision and all the lessons behind it.
I can’t be more grateful for giving my body the opportunity to reset and recover my health and reinvent myself but most importantly giving myself the gift to heal my inner child so that now I can watch myself in the mirror with the eyes of love, forgiveness and compassion and welcoming a more organic, true and raw version of myself.
This is with no doubt a before and after in my life, a whole shedding skin journey and a conscious and loving Renaissance.
How I wish I could have had more appreciation, respect and love for my body when I was younger.
How I wish I could have had better guidance from my parents.. however, I don’t blame them as I know they did everything for me with real love and with the tools and consciousness they had at that time..
How I wish our society could stop putting so much pressure on the media creating a false value of what “means” to be beautiful.
How I wish I could have had the consciousness I have now to have chosen differently and with more love for myself instead of unconsciously choosing to put this cocktail of neurotoxins and chemicals in my precious body.
This is why I am sharing my story and giving voice to my truth so that I can inspire and educate other women about breast implants and reconsider before choosing to have them.
I am sharing my story as a wakeup call for other women and to inspire them to create a more truthful identity and a new standard of beauty based on love and inner worthiness, taking more appreciation and respect for ourselves and our bodies and stopping the endless war of comparisons and the sense of unfulfillment when we only get to see our imperfections and what is missing vs embracing our true essence.
This is a call to women to accept who we truly are; consciously embracing our body in all its stages, shapes, and forms and discerning with consciousness what feels good for our bodies not based on false archetypes or other people’s opinions, labels, adjectives and prejudices.
My wish and vision are to create a new standard of beauty based on Self-LOVE! so that all women can have a more loving, genuine and authentic relationship with themselves and with other women.. where we can be grateful every day for the miracle of our existence and we could feel LOVED, WHOLE and at HOME with ourselves, embracing our own kind of BeYOUtiful..
Please, Sisters! It’s time to bring to light what nobody tells about Breast Implant Illness and the plastic surgery industry and start educating ourselves, younger generations and our daughters to consciously embrace and honour ourselves with more dignity, respect and love.
You have been called my loves.
Beatriz