Phoebe

Beauty

I don’t just know intellectually, but I have experienced in the most profound way, that everything that is valuable and beautiful about a human being has nothing to do with their appearance.

When I was 18 years old, I woke up from a coma and found myself in a hospital bed with my limbs freshly amputated, my head completely bald, my eyelids sewn shut, my skin burning and covered in bandages, my mouth and neck agape with tubes and my organs hooked up to countless machines. It was hard to comprehend all the parts of my life that had been stripped away by illness: my freedom, my self identity, my independence, my university studies, my sight, my once perfect limbs, my ability to walk painlessly and the healthy, care-free future to which I thought I was entitled.

And yet, despite my devastating appearance, my family and friends prayed, willed and begged for me to survive. My nurses would call the ward on their day off to check whether I had made it through the night. So what remained in that hospital bed that they all cared for so deeply? The most beautiful parts of me – my heart, my spirit, my mind, my ability to learn, to love and to connect – my humanity.  These are the parts of me that have proved, over and over again, to be more powerful than any beauty standard. These are the parts of me that always prevail over any setback or challenge in my life. And these are the parts of me in which all of my beauty resides.

I knew in that hospital bed and all the way through my recovery and eventual return to university that, despite my injured shell, I was still the same spunky, smart, witty, curious, loving, often flawed but always earnest, young girl as I had been before my illness. I have certainly felt self-conscious about my incomplete limbs, but not because of their lack of beauty. Mainly because I am so desperate for the world to see beyond them and to all the wonderful things that still remain in me. I have never, ever wanted my body or my appearance to define me because I know it is not the most interesting thing about me.

When you go through great suffering and loss, it is hard to take vanity and typical beauty standards too seriously. In my most desperate times, I wasn’t worried about how I looked. I was simply trying to hold on to my dignity, my hope, and a sense of meaning in my life. As a result of my experiences (and perhaps as a coping mechanism and a way to focus on the things I can control), I have cultivated my own beauty ideals over the years.

Here are some of them:

I believe there is beauty in generosity, self-awareness, and humour.

I believe there is beauty in not being too obsessed with ourselves and our own complaints.

I believe there is beauty in asking lots of questions and having meaningful conversations.

I believe there is beauty in realising that ageing is a privilege and liking who you are is cool.

I believe there is beauty in being interested and interesting.

I believe there is beauty in smiling like you mean it and not being too laboriously coiffed and groomed.

I believe there is beauty in taking time to learn about other people’s struggles and caring about things outside ourselves.

I believe there is beauty in continuing on in the face of great pain.

And I believe our truest beauty comes from being like nobody else out there, but our own unique, complicated and precious selves.

What gives you joy?
My family and excellent conversations.

What does ‘beauty’ mean to you?
It means being 100 percent yourself.

What is something you’re proud of that you and your body have done?
Survived!

What do you do to keep your body strong and vital?
I see medical and prosthetic experts regularly and often consult natural or eastern medical approaches too. I swim and walk for exercise and educate myself about where our food comes from.

What do you do for your mental health, for peace and clarity in your daily life?
I meditate every day and I read widely.

Your favourite beauty products/brands:
Everything in my kitchen! Organic coconut oil for moisturiser, egg whites for face masks, a cherry I just bit into for cheek and lip tint, egg yolks mixed with lemon juice for shampoo, hot water on a soft towel for face cleansing. And anything from the beauty aisle of my organic health food shop.

Your favourite or recommended book:  I keep coming back to Michael Pollan, Gordon Livingston, Mary Oliver and David Sedaris.

Your favourite song/music:  A bit of Motown or anything with good piano.

Your favourite pastime/hobby: Reading, swimming, cooking for people I love.

Your favourite instagram accounts to follow

I find these accounts are all beautiful because they are original, completely themselves and have something interesting to say:

@alokvmenon
@chanel_miller
@lulasticblog
@miieshaofficial
@paehoddy
@tulsishop

Phoebe, 37